i think my tv is drunk
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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