you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
