i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
