if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
