so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize