I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
