I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
