I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
i think i just lost a toe
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
