We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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