Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
