Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
