Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
