why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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