I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
