Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
