I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
