I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
