Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
