If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
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