Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
