You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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