We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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