oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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