We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
