I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
