Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
