In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
