I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
