Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
