no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
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