i just wanna soil my oats bro
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
