i love accidental penises.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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