I am in a vortex of obligation.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
