Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
there was a trapeze. enough said
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
