yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
