She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
