Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize