I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
