see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
