if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
