you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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