my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Do vagina's smell?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
