so explain again why im purple
no
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
