it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
