I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
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