that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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