ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
