And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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