I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
