I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
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