I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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