im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i just google imaged poop.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
