She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
