You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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