did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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