Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Blood and glitter go together right?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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