I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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