I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
