he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize