Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize