Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
