There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
