I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
