Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
