Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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