What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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