dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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