Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you didnt know i had herpes?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
