we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Randomize