look no pants
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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