Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize