I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize